1.3 What If You Don’t Feel Like You Fit In (Yet) at Secondary School

For students starting secondary school (ages 11–13)

Part of the Positive School Culture Project — sharing research to help students, teachers, and schools create better experiences of starting secondary school.

Starting secondary school can feel exciting, but it can also feel uncertain. Some students quickly feel comfortable in their new school, while others take longer to find their place.

If you sometimes feel like you don’t quite fit in yet, you are not alone. Many students feel this way when they start secondary school, especially in the first few weeks as everything is still new.

In a previous post in this guide, we explored why belonging is about more than simply having friends. But many students starting secondary school still have an important question:

What if I don’t feel like I fit in yet?

Key ideas

- Feeling like you don’t fit in straight away is normal.

- Belonging often develops over time through small, everyday moments with other people.

In research where students were asked about their experiences of starting secondary school, many said that it took time to feel settled. Some described feeling comfortable quite quickly. Others said their sense of belonging grew slowly over the first weeks or months.

Feeling uncertain at the beginning does not mean something has gone wrong. It often means that you are still getting used to a new environment.

Starting secondary school involves many changes at the same time. Students are meeting new classmates, learning new routines, moving between different classrooms, and getting used to different expectations from teachers.

One student described how their expectations about teachers began to change once they had settled into school:

'The teachers are just so nice. Like… you begin to have a really good friendship with them… like it’s not like in the movies when you hate them and they hate you back.'

 — Year 7 student reflecting on starting secondary school

Because so much is new, it can take time for people to work out where they feel most comfortable.

At the same time, feeling like you fit in is not only about friendships. It is also shaped by the everyday routines and expectations of school life.

In the first few weeks, many students are still working out things like when to speak, how to take part in lessons, what different situations mean, and what teachers expect. This can sometimes feel like pressure — especially when it is not yet clear what ‘doing well’ means in a new school.

Students also notice small moments when they are included or left out. This might be something as simple as whether their ideas are acknowledged in class, whether someone responds to them in a conversation, or whether they feel noticed by others.

These everyday experiences can shape whether school starts to feel like a place where they belong.

Over time, as routines become more familiar and expectations become clearer, many students begin to feel more confident and more settled.

Sometimes belonging begins with small things. Students often described recognising a friendly face in a lesson, enjoying a particular subject, finding a club that interested them, or discovering classmates with similar interests.

These moments may seem small, but over time they help students build connections, confidence, and a sense that they are beginning to belong.

You might want to pause and think about this:

• Is there a lesson, activity, or part of the school day where you already feel a little more comfortable?

• Is there a person — a classmate, teacher, or staff member — who has helped school feel slightly easier?

Even small moments like these can be the beginning of feeling more settled.

For some students, things that help over time might include:

• taking part in class discussions
• joining activities or clubs that interest you
• getting to know classmates gradually
• asking teachers for help when you need it
• noticing moments when you feel seen or included

These kinds of small steps help students become more familiar with their school and the people around them.

Just like school culture more broadly, belonging develops through everyday interactions, routines, and relationships between students and teachers over time.

Students also help create belonging for others. Sometimes, helping someone else feel included can also make school feel easier for you. This can happen through small actions — including someone in a conversation, noticing when someone is sitting alone, or showing interest in the ideas and talents of the people around them.

Teachers contribute by noticing students, supporting them when they need help, and creating classrooms where everyone has the chance to take part.

So if you do not feel like you fit in yet, it does not mean you never will.

When students were asked about their experiences of starting secondary school, many described belonging not as something that happened all at once, but as something that gradually grew through everyday moments with other people.

And as those moments build over time — through the small ways students and adults recognise one another, respond to each other, and take part in everyday school life — school can begin to feel more familiar, more welcoming, and more like a place where you belong.

Comments are not enabled on this page. This is to help keep this space safe for students. The ideas shared here are based on research with students, and your experiences matter. If something here connects with you, you might choose to talk about it with a teacher, parent, carer, or someone you trust.

This post is part of a short guide exploring students’ experiences of starting secondary school and how belonging develops during the Year 7 transition.

The Starting Secondary School Guide:

1. You Shape School More Than You Think

2. Why Belonging Is Not Just About Having Friends

3. What If You Don’t Feel Like You Fit In (Yet) 

4. Why Some Lessons Feel Easier to Speak In 

5. Why Schools Have Rules — And Why They Sometimes Feel Hard 

6. Why School Feels Different For Different People